After months of burying my head in the sand and telling myself that this is "his" way of making friends and (my favorite excuse) I'd rather have him safe at home than out doing who knows what, I finally said enough was enough. I mustered up the energy somehow and faced him head on. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and that he'd fight to keep the status quo, but it had to be done, it was time. I knocked at his door, which was always locked, and he begrudgingly let me in. His eyes looked swollen and red, his hair had that usual teenage boy greasy look, and he was dressed in pj's. It was a Saturday at 4 p.m. I asked him to stop playing and go outside, get some fresh air, take a walk, something healthy. I explained that he looked pale and tired, yet he had slept until at least noon. He was cool in his first answer, saying, "No, I don't feel like it. I'm playing with my friends. It's Saturday and I should be able to do whatever I want."
Usually I would give in at some point, allowing another few hours of play, and then bring him some food to eat while he plays longer. Yes, I did hear him speaking with other people while he played, but who were these people? Do they go to his school? Are they his age? I pressed on, determined to make a change. I explained to him that things needed to change. I didn't like his appearance or his attitude. He looked sloppy most of the time and seemed very tired. He never stood up straight or smiled. Most people at school didn't even know he was there. They would tell me they never see him at school. I found out that's because he's in the library doing his homework which he told me he completed at home the day prior.
Well, he argued that I was being stupid and that he's old enough to take care of himself. He even said that since he paid for the X-Box he should be allowed to have it. I told him that if he paid for pot I wouldn't allow him to smoke it. He said there's no comparison. I think there is. X-Box had become an addiction, like any other. He played it for 10 hours a day or more. He went to bed very late at night most nights, and he stopped making friends at school. He stopped playing sports too. All he did was play video games. I call that an addiction. The worst part was that I let it happen. I guess I felt incapable of changing the situation or powerless over a 16-year-old person. Or perhaps I was just being lazy because I am tired of having to orchestrate the lives of three children, making sure homework is done, making meals, cleaning, driving. I just gave in and gave up.
Fortunately, I did not give in this time. I stuck to my guns. I told him that he was not able to play X-Box any longer during the week and only for a limited time on weekends. But first we needed some detox time. Yes, he screamed, yelled, even cried. Eventually he realized that I wasn't budging and he gave in. While he was at school, I took away his controllers and the disks for the games and hid them where I knew he wouldn't look. When he got home that day, he told me that he had no homework and wanted to play X-Box.
We went five days without the video games, and I saw a rebirth of my son. The old happy, intelligent, funny guy had returned. He called friends and even went on a few walks with me. The best moment happened when he asked me to take him to the sports store to buy a new mitt. He joined the school's baseball team.
We still have heated discussions whenever he wants to return to old ways. I think it's always going to happen until he's in college (maybe even then too). But for now our rules are solid. Strictly enforced limited video gaming time, and only on Saturdays. I have to admit that I did give in once and let him play during a school day, and he was terrible about getting off the game. Just goes to show that he isn't really mature enough to appreciate what he's got and to come halfway in order to get what he wants. After all, he's only 16. Don't be fooled into thinking that that's grown up.
